“A-a-aye, I’m on vacation
Every single day ’cause I love my occupation
A-a-aye, I’m on vacation
If you don’t like your life, then you should go and change it…”
Well, that sure is a fun way to start my day, which began when I hit play on Pandora to listen to Dirty Heads radio while I wrote. I love Dirty Heads, and I love that song. And I love that song because it is quite literally my life. What a way to begin writing this blog post. We will talk about how the universe has aligned with me and how these lyrics make oodles of sense throughout this post.
I’m possibly doing a thing here, I’m thinking of changing the name of this blog from what it currently is (ok, but probably not when you are reading this… I have no idea- just stay with me here) “Expedition Happiness: And the Art of Wandering” to “The Traveling Enneagram”. I still love the old title, but I have expanded so much in the last few years, that it is time to share with the world what is so amazing about my life and what that can mean for you.
For starters, Justin and I are quickly approaching THREE YEARS living and loving (sliving, if you are Paris Hilton and needed another word to trademark… y’all remember when she did that with ‘that’s hot’? Man, that was a long time ago.) that #CamperLife and I can’t believe so much time has passed. I have had 3 of the best years of my life – this isn’t and shouldn’t be taken to mean that they have been easy, but everything that has happened in the last nearly 1,080 days has been worth it and meaningful and my life is better for each of those things. And so, my intention of this post and more important, this pivot, is to talk about what made it such. What it means to me, my husband and what it can mean to you. You are an important part of my journey, and in just a bit, I will explain how and what all of this means. But first, let’s back it up a bit.
It was 2012 and I was freakin excited (to know me is to know that these 2 words don’t begin to encompass what that looked and felt like to me… imagine a series of excited and really, really high, high kicks and probably cartwheels). I had just formally accepted my job offer at Best Buy’s corporate office for a role in training and development. My new boss, Marsha, was everything I could have asked for in a “first boss” in that space, and- I was going to go from working retail leadership… a minimum of 50-hour workweeks, during holidays, weekends, nights, “clopens” where you close one night and have to be back at the ass crack of dawn to open, and everything in between to a solid Monday through Friday cushy corporate gig. There were a couple of roadblocks though… Justin- my now husband, but boyfriend at the time, was going to have to quit his job and we were going to be moving to another state. Another state we had really never been to, knew our way around or anything. But I still had this effervescent positivity- I KNEW it was going to be ok and the adventure of a lifetime. And to make what could be a really long story pretty short- after a brief weekend-long breakup (thank you to my now MIL Mary for swooping in to let Justin know he was being irrational 😊), a 2-week notice for both of us with just me having a job secured, we moved in July to a place we had only seen a hand drawing of (yes, I am serious).
Life was really good. We were having so much fun hiking and biking in new places, finding new spots to eat, hitting up what seemed like a billion Targets at every turn (it’s home state is MN so they are like, everywhere). Our relationship was in a new kind of honeymoon stage. Justin took a crappy gig in Stillwater, and got up before the sun even thought to grace the horizon and left to clean a gym (free membership perk) on his way to work an hour away, only to have to hoof it back home late into the evening and do it all over again day in and day out. Still, I knew it was temporary (it was- it was only a matter of a few months before he got a full-time role in what would be his work home for nearly the next decade) and I had felt a renewed sense of being and appreciation in my role. At this point, I had been working for Best Buy for 13 years, over half of that time spent leading people in stores, and I was now making this even bigger material impact training and developing people… I got to facilitate trainings (which give me E-N-E-R-G-Y), my opinion was valued, and I still got to be connected to the store (meaning- the people who were the end result of the work that was done by the “corporate folks.”). I felt like I had won the proverbial lottery of life. Then, not even a full year later, Justin and I bought our first home. A 5,000 square foot home in an absolute gem of a neighborhood. It was a foreclosed home, and had been vacant for almost 2 years. I saw a LOT of work, but a LOT MORE potential to make it ours. Oh. And one lil thing I didn’t realize… AN EVEN LOT MORE MONEY to fix up. Even still, one of our best friends we affectionately call “Tickles” came to renovate it with us (to this day, stories I can’t tell but the best, best time of my life, and Justin’s and his). Sounds amazing, eh? I’m not gonna downplay it, it WAS. But, as things do, the dust settles and the sparkle wears off a bit- this happens always in life, but when you are wearing shoes that don’t quite fit, even when you love them, they still hurt and blister, and eventually, you have to get rid of them (or they sit in the back of your closet never to be seen or worn again, same thing).
The house was not fully finished, but done to the point where we felt “home,” things at work were going alright (my wonderful role I had taken, and the reason for our move to Minnesota was eliminated- I did however, move onto another really great role still in training & development at Best Buy where I met one of the most influential leaders I have ever gotten to work for- Landeis, I’m talkin about you), another monumental event happened in my life too… Justin proposed and we got married right there in our backyard, by my brother, surrounded by everyone we love… including our neighbors who hunkered down on the hill in the next yard over, cheers-ing us from afar. Raise your hand if you are reading this and are saying, probably out loud “Nikki, the fuck is wrong with you? This all sounds incredible.” Well, it WAS… but for a fleeting moment. And then it just didn’t feel like, like my dream. So, I know you are anxiously perched upon your chair right now waiting for me to answer, so Nikki, what exactly was your dream? In a short sentence, it was going to take a couple of years, and everything to fall apart to be put back together in the way that felt right. And even then, there wasn’t a road map telling me that I was on the right path, I just went with what “felt” right. Kind of like when you know the sun sets in the west and rises in the east but you have no idea what time of day it is so you really have no idea what way you are going or where you are in space and time- but your gut, even as it speaks so quietly to you, kind of makes you feel like it is the right direction. Yeah, that.
I probably still have the letter. I know it sat in a hanging folder in my cubicle filing cabinet for, well, forever. And when I made the decision to can the whole corporate life gig, I actually laughed at myself for this letter. On my first day at the “magic castle” as the corporate office is jokingly called, during New Hire Orientation (a program I would later lead, own and love) we had to write our goals- what we wanted to do and where we wanted to end up in our time there. I wrote something along the lines of wanting to be a director. A director of what you ask? I have no fuckin idea. And I certainly didn’t know then. But, my life seemed to be defined by always achieving the “next level,” whatever the hell that was. And I knew this… directors made a lot of money. It was the “highest up” you could go without being a VP or anything “stuffy” like that (i.e. no cartwheels allowed kind of job)- and in my mind, making a lot of money and having a high up role in a huge company was like, what you were supposed to do. For those of you thinking “how is she a type 7, that sounds so much more like a type 3,” keep reading, fam. It will all make sense. I promise. But yes, that thought very much crept into my mind here and there. This letter has been the backbone of me knowing I was in the wrong line of business. I had no clear idea of “what I wanted to be when I grew up” other than someone who made a lot of money and had a high up position in a big company. If you’d asked me my elevator speech- what my purpose was or why I wanted that kind of role, I probably would have deferred to telling dad jokes. Because I wouldn’t have known what to say- and the last thing I want is to not know what to say. Now as we all know, time drudges on. And things at home, at work and in life were… well, the same. On one hand, I can love and appreciate routine. Sometimes predictability is what I need. And sometimes, but more sometimes than routine, I need adventure and to be something bigger than. There it is. There is that 7 spirit spilling out a little. I felt trapped in my role, company- trapped everywhere (except my relationship with my husband, that was one thing I didn’t want to let go of at any cost- despite what happens when you feel stagnant in life and probably the proverbial “7-year itch” everyone speaks about hits). So, I absolutely had to do something about my situation before the pain from this trapped feeling took me down.
We were up at our land over the summer while I took a leave of absence (PS everyone should take a leave… it was the best thing I could have done for myself, 12/10 highly recommend). But it was while we were up here days on end that I cooked up this absolutely insane idea. I didn’t share it with Justin until we were back home one day, on a bike ride (truth be told, it was exhilarating and also scared the shit out of me, so I had to wait for the time to come when I said something). I casually mentioned we should sell the house and our stuff and move into a camper. Now, when I ask him what he thought when I said that, he feels safe enough to tell me he thought “that I was batshit crazy.” Yes. Yes, he is a type 6, but even without the safety stereotype our beautiful sixes get, not too many people hear that idea and are like “sign me the eff up, kid.” But, eventually, he must’ve marinated on it long enough, because we did just that.
And now, I want to talk about what that adventure has been like. Sure, many of you have been reading my blog and have seen how much happier I am and how this was the best decision of my entire life, but let’s talk brass tacks, eh? What did the road actually look like and what do I actually do now?
Great questions, thank you for asking. I’m actually really excited about this part. I left everything in my now “old” life behind. Including having a job lined up. Really just jumped ship into the great unknown without a plan (hey Nik, your 7 is showing…). Lemme just tell you this- I have never, ever in my life done that- I worked and had a real job since I was 13 years old (we won’t get into legal semantics about a 13 year old having a real job, but I did). And it was incredible and fucking scary. I had heard how hard the job market was, but in my head, I was the smartest person I knew (and still know, this part isn’t a lie- I’m kidding, but I am pretty smart) and I’d literally just apply for a job, get it, get paid a million dollars and would be hap…. Nope. I would just fall back into that same trap I had just worked so hard to escape, but this time in a camper (insert jazz hands here). By the way, this is literally the definition of insanity… you know, where they say that it’s doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results? Yeah, that. Thankfully, the universe was like “absofuckinglutely not Nickles, we are gonna make you learn 7 different ways until Sunday that you aren’t doing that life again, and you are going to be frustrated and pissed and feel somewhat worthless until you don’t and you see what you are good at and should be doing and then we will gladly give you the address to send the thank you card and flowers to.” I mean, it wasn’t that loud and clear, but since hindsight is 20/20 (or is it 20/22… pahahaha see what I did there?) I can see it so much now. And I have a big ass bouquet I need to send.
And now is where we (re)enter the Enneagram… this is gonna have to be another post explaining what the Enneagram actually is (and isn’t). I have a mug that says “Ask me about the Enneagram” and if there is one thing I know about myself, I would recommend you don’t do that unless you can commit to at LEAST 4-5 hours for me to explain it, in detail and not likely pause too long for anything more than a breath. So, let’s just say this. The E had been part of my life and something I loved for a long time, but in this capacity and exploring it further and deeper realizing what could be possible for me in this space was life-changing. I realized it was the FIRST thing in my life that I have been so stupid incredibly passionate about that didn’t fizzle out after a week (ahem… my 7-ness is showing again), the thing that I read book after book on from, wait for it, start to finish (I know, who IS this monster who calls herself Nikki?!?!?!?!) And it is also this little (and by little, I mean massive) philosophy that lead me to my life now. I got this crazy ass idea to start my own business. The first question when one decides to do this is naturally, how the hell does one start their own business? And if I were to answer that, I would say I have no fucking idea. I had been in business my whole life. I knew a P&L inside and out. I could tell you the formula for what profit we would yield if we increased our accessory attach just 3%, and without a calculator to boot (I know. I know, impressive). But where to start my own practice was a solid question. And the only answer I knew was to start small but mighty and just, try shit out.
So here is the part that pisses some people off, but it’s my truth and I believe and mean every word I type. Everyone told me to hire a business coach. So I read up on them. And without going into too much detail, because this is a big but small part of my story- business coaches generally know nothing about business and also nothing about coaching. But what they are good at doing is telling you that for the sum of a down payment of a house, they can recite to you a lot of bullshit they read on the internet or attended a “masterclass” on (which was really just another Business Coach who was teaching them what they learned from another masterclass infused with some inspiring quotes, bullshit “testimonials” about how much money people made by going to them and a lot of outdated and incorrect information) and how you need to run your business to be successful (psst many of them never actually ran a successful business other than swindling people out of their money by telling them how to run a business, which is a clever “gotcha” deserving a pat on the back if it wasn’t so gross). I have yet to meet anyone who has seen success for following any of that stuff. So, I did what felt right. And not all of it was right. I put the cart before the horse sometimes. Got too excited. Got hyper-fixated at times. Wanted to do All The Things in an hours time only to be left feeling overwhelmed and needing to just take a nap- for like a week straight. But, as I kept telling myself, every expert was once a beginner. And slowly, things started falling into place. People started reaching out to me for opportunities. One thing I learned during my actual business experience was about the importance of the lifetime value of someone. That you don’t need to be pushy for someone to come to you, eventually, if it’s right, they will. And when someone has complete autonomy over that, they feel safe coming to you. And telling their friends. And I feel awesome, because they trust me, and I am only being authentic. This is also the part I again, went against the counsel of “business coaches” in how I charge people. Every. Single. Time you head to LinkedIn, you see these coaches talking about knowing your worth. And let me tell you… these people seem to think they shit gold. One gal (who was a bank teller before becoming a business coach- exactly) charges ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for a 90-minute call. I cannot imagine what a. that conversation looks like and b. how many people actually sign up for that, despite what she posts (that she has $100k months <insert eyeroll> ohkayyyy Gloria-which-is-not-her-real-name). This revelation on my worth was really where the walls of the old Nikki started to crumble, and the real me who had been hiding behind the armor of money and “success” as it’s defined by climbing a ladder to nowhere put on her lil cape and emerged from the rubble high-kicking, dancing a jig and talking non-stop about what gave her energy, purpose and passion…. In other words, I was experiencing what true Alignment looked like.
As part of this transformation of sorts, it became really clear to me as I settled into my new camper life that my goal in life really has nothing to do with money- other than what I actually need to survive (and yes, retirement, future travel goals, rainy day funds and so on are part of that) but most important, that I wanted people to work with me, and feel like I made a difference in their life. And so, that spurred my pay-what-you-can philosophy. After my experience with my own mental health breakdown, along with my late father’s massive struggle with PTSD, depression, survivor’s guilt from Vietnam, agoraphobia, anxiety and eventual death by suicide, I know all too well that mental health access isn’t and shouldn’t be a privilege, it’s a basic human right. And, even though I have some folks who can’t pay me anything, that has nothing to do with their lifetime value to me as humans, and they have the capacity to refer others to me who can. It all works out. Reading from the above paragraph, I can talk all about what I do and how learning your core motivation can help shift your life all damn day long, so if I love it, then it doesn’t really matter how much I am getting paid. I am doing what I love, and I am damn good at it. What a shift from my “old” life, right? Going from climbing a ladder I didn’t really want to be on in order to achieve something I couldn’t define to be able to make a shit ton of money to spend on a huge house and mortgage to living in a camper, with no mortgage and as a solopreneur, where there is no ladder and no money or all the money to be made, there is no real structure to it, but you get to make leaps and bounds of differences in people’s lives. I read that paragraph like 3 times because it is so, so vastly different from what I always thought, it’s literally like the tale of 2 people who’s really just 1, but couldn’t be more different. And occasionally I slip back into the easiness of what life once looked like- but it was really only easy because I knew what to expect- with routine, even if said routine hurts or isn’t right, comes comfort because it’s what we know. We also know that the things outside our comfort zone are scary. And so we gravitate to what isn’t scary and what is comfort- and friends, that’s when we start to die inside. So when it happens, I challenge that thought, why AM I feeling this way, where is the deeper emotion REALLY coming from? And then the universe has this little opening that bonks down on me again saying “Nickles, remember what we told you? Knock that shit off and keep pushing.” And so I do.
This past January, I got an email out of the blue from an executive producer of a network asking me if I would be interested in having my own talk radio show. At first I was suspicious… I got so, sooooooo many spam emails (or business coaches asking me, *without me asking them* if they could help me and I was OVERRRRRRRR it) but again, momma universe was like “girlfriend, seriouslyyyyyyy how many times do we have to tell you!” So we talked, and I had this insurmountable feeling that I was supposed to do this. She and I clicked immediately, and it just felt right. And again, it hasn’t been easy, I am not one to deal with minutiae well (details and the type 7 are like oil and water) and some of this stuff has been just that, but the stuff that most people would find difficult- like, I don’t know, finding guests for every episode (and having to work through their assistants and agents- who have all been wonderful by the way, it’s just an additional complexity), putting the episodes together, and then, you know, doing the actual show has all been the easy part- the dream of it all. I would have never thought- though I would have dreamed about it every night, that I would be doing this… that I would be talking for a living. And that people would want to talk with me, and we would be having fun. I never thought that I would be in a position to help people without some fancy, “important” title, or a consistent paycheck, I never knew how life could unfold in such a way that I felt I was truly living my purpose and passion, I never knew that I could truly do something that gives me energy unbounding (and sometimes overwhelming and THAT IS OK) every day. I never knew living life in a different place each month and having a totally different kind of “routine” would be my new normal. In short, I never knew how beautiful life could look outside of my comfort zone.
Some people may be reading this feeling inspired AF, and some people are like “well, but to me, titles are important, consistent paychecks are non-negotiable, and living in a house is something I want.” And to that I say, do ya dang thang, boo! I am NOT here to tell people that this lifestyle of mine is the only way to live, or that anyone is wrong for wanting the things I don’t (anymore). What it IS about is saying that we all have that thing we need or want to do, be, accomplish, and so on, and I learned (and very, very much in alignment with my Enneagram type) that what works for me is quite literally the opposite of what I tried to do my whole life, the box I tried to live in, the things I thought were important. It wasn’t until I learned that about myself, challenged that story, did some really wild ass things to get out of that place, got a little uncomfortable- that I learned exactly who I wanted to be, and how to get there. I gave myself grace and compassion, humility and non-judgment, I let go (LETTING GO AND NOT BEING IN CONTROL IS A HARD THING TO DO) and really great things started to unfold.
And so I will close by saying that The Traveling Enneagram is the most succinct way for me to really show people my life, how I’m living and loving camper life and working as an Enneagram Practitioner, and why I am changing the name of this blog. What I do, how I got here and why I wake up every single morning grateful, thankful and just in awe that this is my life, and the ways it has unfolded. To myself, this post is my NEW letter, I think the old one might make for some good kindling around the campfire.
“A-a-aye, I’m on vacation
Every single day ’cause I love my occupation
A-a-aye, I’m on vacation
If you don’t like your life, then you should go and change it…”
Cheers, be present, stay curious and discover what makes your soul sing, friends.
Nikki
PS If you wanna check out my show, the live broadcast and episode guide for post-live syndication is here. It can also be found on all major podcast platforms.
PPS If you want to work with me, individually, as a couple or have me for a leadership and/or team building workshop, check out my website. You can grab a time for us to chat. Or, just email me at nikkipuravidacd@gmail.com – whatever is clever. If you know someone who would benefit, passing this along and referring them is the highest form of flattery to me (and I have refer-a-friend gifts!).
Expedition: Happiness (and the art of wandering) 